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Valhalla Rising Movie Review


About a week ago I rented this movie, now if you’ve been watching any new movies over the last couple of months you’ve probably seen the trailer for this movie. If your like me you probably thought to yourself “Hey this looks pretty sweet, it looks like there’s going to be lots of hacking and slashing and all that fun stuff” The trailer which is posted on this page gives the impression that Valhalla Rising is going to be up there with other epic movies such as Gladiator but with a darker, brutal and gritty feel. I mean the trailer wouldn’t lie to me………would it?



However don’t be fooled by the trailer for this film. Yes there are some brutal fighting scenes, yes it is gritty, and yes it has some amazing visuals. But the core of this movie is something more geared toward artistic then what you would expect to see. If you’re expecting an action flick you are going to be sadly disappointed and bored watching this.


Here's the synopsis of the story.



A one eyed mute warrior who happens to be called One Eye (I know pretty original stuff) has been a sort of gladiator type slave for many years. After a couple brutal fights while tied to a muddy stick, and some odd vacant 1000 yard stares from One Eye he finds a way to escape his captors using an arrowhead he finds when having a bath. After he kills his captors he tries to find his home and is accompanied by a young boy who helped look after him while he was a slave.


On his journey home he runs into a group of Viking type warriors, who have just finished burning a bunch of people for no particular reason. The tell One Eye their on their way to the holy land to liberate Jerusalem, and ask One Eye to join them on their quest. He agrees and they set off in a Viking like long boat (I’m still not even sure if they were Vikings or not they just kind of looked like they would be. There isn’t even a real clear indication where they are to begin with.)



No sooner have they started their journey that they get lost in a mysterious fog. They end up in an unknown land which, and then that's when things get weird and the story goes from blurry to completely whacked out. I can't explain it because frankly it made no sense to me; they go nuts start killing each other off and end up meeting some tribal types covered in mud who like One Eye seem to enjoy standing perfectly still while they stare vacantly at you.


Why you would like this movie


If you’re into more artistic movies that go against the grain this is the movie for you because it has plenty of that. The location this movie was filmed in is breathtaking. And the few fights scenes are brutal, savage and bloody. In particular one scene where One Eye and another slave fight to the death where One Eye smashes the slaves head in with a rock to kill him.


Why you won’t like this movie

 

Unless you enjoy artistic movies you’re going to be bored to death and extremely disappointed. It seems as if the majority of the movie One Eye is starring off either into space, or turning his head and looking in such a way as if he can’t exactly figure out what the hell he’s doing. The few fight scenes are scattered at the beginning and near the end of the movie and are over far too fast. The story is lacking and full of holes, and there is next to no dialogue. For almost the first 20 minutes hardly anybody speaks except for a few quick one liners.


However I do recommend this movie if your having trouble falling asleep. Just watch 10 minutes of One Eye starring off into space and its lights out. In short don’t waste your money on buying this movie, your just going to feel ripped off.




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